I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO WRITE MY OWN OBITUARY
This place became known as her inner longing …………………………..… I keep sending parts
of myself out into the world …………………………..… I feel I am at the world’s mercy even
though I play the role of dominatrix and I am cast again and again as such, to the point where
even my closest friends sometimes call me Dom …………………………..… I feel incapable of
speaking with acuity or fluidity or even keeping up with conversation with those I feel most at
ease with ……………………… When I am not at ease, I become fully fluid, I dominate a back
and forth and big women tell me to relax …………………………..… I just returned from relaxing
……………………………… I just returned from intensive relaxation quarters …………………….
………. In fact, during the past week I meditated, I was fed daily, we had a housekeeper,
headspace ……………………..… I observed how much more sleep I required versus my peers,
how slow my speech was in comparison …………………………..… No, there were no quips
from me ……………………….. Lightning …………………………..… Between 100% honesty
and 100% dedication, I choose the latter.
I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO WRITE MY OWN OBITUARY
Within just a few hours and all of that fear revisits you again …………………………..… An
indistinct fear not without inspiration …………………………..… Don’t lose the peace you
found, the placement …………………………..… Some people of course call this peace and
this placement a presence …………………………..… We may experience this fear especially
when we are tired …………………………..… The body is connected to the body ……………….
… We put glasses on to be better to our eyes …………………………..… How much is too
much …………………………..… The effervescence becomes a kind of solitude …………………
…….. A weakness for effervescence becomes viral …………………………..… These are just
tropes of course …………………………..… We laugh out loud to soothe each other ……………
………….. Be good to the body, be good and at ease with the spiritual animal …………………..
………. We put a q-tip dabbed in something inky under the tongue and this is supposed to
calm the nervous system …………………………..… You cannot move you cannot talk
…………
………………. You are ready for the ceremony now …………………………..… The fact is I am
not allowed to wander about loosely in the branches of time …………………………..… And it
confuses me why my friends feel there to be a distance between us when I feel no distance
here at all …………………………..… I only feel at a distance right now from myself so I walk
away to come back through the other side with a ladder …………………………..… Coming
down now …………………………..… Perhaps those old tendencies awoke ……………………..
……. Some harmful impulse inside yourself …………………………..… She will be there
……….………………… I will hand the book over to her …………………………..… Now going
even more inwards ………………………… I have to tell you some things
…………………………..… She is not afraid …………………………..… To have a holy life
…………………………..… I have to give it back.
I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO WRITE MY OWN OBITUARY
We started this series as a result of …………………………..… We started this interview series
in response to …………………………..… How funny would it be if we put hidden cameras
everywhere …………………………..… When the woman began writing her critiques, essays
you might term them, that’s really when it started falling to pieces …………………………..…
Because in the time it takes for the spider to pass us and we go to find something capable of
shielding us from the every day violence that we say yes to—a camera
…………………………..… When the woman began writing her critiques
…………………………..… When she began interviewing these visual artists and maybe people
who didn’t first and foremost identify as poets, the pills came out again
…………………………..… You know …………………………..… The pins and needles
…………………………..… She never identified as a logician …………….
………….. What does the word renunciation mean to you? …………………………..… Erase
that …………………………..… Let’s start again …………………………..… Can anybody
extraordinary speak intimately with the Buddha? …………………………..… I think they were
not aware of the defilement to which they were ultimately building …………………………..…
She was not here for the character study although ultimately that’s all she was.